A Day in the Life with Metastatic Breast Cancer Episode 4

                                     A Day in the Life with Metastatic Breast Cancer

Episode 4

Hello! I’m Parker, and I am back to talk a little bit more about side effects of the powerful meds prescribed to keep me alive. I’ll also talk about navigating a romantic life while on the precipice. I don’t want this to be a grim slog, you know! So, let me start and tell you about the serious stomach distress one can expect when taking Verzenio, and a few things I found that help ameliorate the general awful-ness.

Dear GOD, I don’t want to talk about nausea, and diarrhea, but, as it affects me every single day, and is among the most common side effects, I feel I must. 

I have learned a lot since February 2021, when I began this wild ride, but in the beginning everything was terrifying, and bizarre, and out of control. Every day, all day, I felt wedded to the bathroom. Work became complicated, as I had to plot my day around proximity to a public restroom. As I never knew when I’d be slammed by a bout of vomiting, or the urgent, uncontrollable need to AGAIN evacuate my bowels, my ability to concentrate on work began to slip. I also was so fatigued, and weak, I could barely walk more than a few blocks without having to rest. I learned fast dehydration caused much of that fatigue, and lack of concentration. So, what can you do? While it is still an every day battle, over time, I have found some things to do, and some things to avoid.

You must always carry water with you, even if your trip away from the house is short. For the sake of your energy levels, brain function, and kidney health (they really take a beating with these meds), you will likely need at least 80 oz. of water a day. Water, is best, though mild teas are ok, too. But, some things are just out, out, out. Tragically, coffee has to go. So do any carbonated drinks. And alcohol should be avoided, as it can quickly dehydrate you. Your physician will likely prescribe over the counter stuff like Immodium, and wonder why you aren’t getting relief from these products. Well, I will tell you! Yes, taking them will stop you up for a while, but it is not as if the problem has gone away. It is still there, just waiting for you, and the dehydration issue remains. Still, it helps to have another weapon in your arsenal, so keep it on hand for when things get rough. Enough about tummy trouble! On to romance! 

So, against all odds, and expectation, sap does still rise. Yup, this 65 year old cancer girl still craves romance, and all that comes with it. One would think the estrogen squelching meds, fatigue, and existential dread would have dealt my libido a death blow. Not so, not so! Go figure. I almost wish it would. Almost. As an ex-pat Brit friend once remarked to me,  “sex is mostly mental.” While she meant it was mostly crazy, for the purposes of this blog, I stand by the notion desire is largely a mental construct. Here are some things I’ve found that make indulging not only possible, but still thrilling. And pain free.

Breast cancer loves estrogen, so to stay alive, you are not allowed to have it, or certainly not very much. Hence, the aromatase inhibiter drug prescription. The severe reduction of estrogen most often results in joint pain, dry skin, dry hair, dry mouth, and devastatingly, thin, dry vaginal tissue! What to do? Well, if you have a lot of money, and don’t mind the off-putting smell, and taste, there are a myriad of products designed to help hydrate, and lubricate your tender cooze. After much trial and error (good GOD, how much sex is this woman getting? Not that much, I promise), I find coconut oil to be the most effective. It stays slick a long time, is available at any grocery store for a reasonable price, and will not leave you smelling, or tasting like an artificial strawberry. I am a grown woman! I do not WANT to smell like a strawberry! The coconut oil smells, and tastes like a day at the beach. Now, who doesn’t love that? And, yes, I’ve checked with my doctor. Coconut oil is fine. It took a minute to figure out the best way to use it every day, but I hit on something that works for me.

Once a week I make seven robin egg sized and shaped coconut oil ovals, and keep them in a plastic covered bowl in the fridge. Each one takes about a tablespoon of coconut oil to make. Chilling them makes them solid, and thus easier to insert, and they feel delicious against hot, itchy, dry skin. I use one every night just before bed, and it makes such a difference! When engaged in sexual intimacy, I make sure to use my little ovals, and also have at the ready warmed oil - so it is liquid - and use it liberally. Try it! You will thank me, I promise. With respect to the dating aspect of romance, I’m afraid I cannot help you over much there. Dating while dying (ok, not today) is complicated, and I am still working that out. But, you know what? Time is short. Very short for some of us. Treat yourself like the prize you are, and don’t let anyone make you feel as though you have less to offer. NONE of us know how much time we have, so find love, enjoy sex, and drink lots of water.